Meaning out of nothing

A habit is something this scary; this place hasn't changed for a single bit, but had turned out to be this solitude 

Hello emo

I woke up this morning, mind swirling as if life has it's own pace. I've forgotten how I lead my life two months back as I relied and looked forward so much in this two months. 

I had made a mess in my life, I'm aware of that. But I'm glad that I did because at least I knew it has an ending afterall.  I could actually feel the distance already after that day as I did it on purpose, but there's this thing no one knows about that night; I found comfort in the silence. It's as if I'm this close that silence is not an awkward moment anymore...but....haha.. life is always this unfair :)


I need to utter this because I'm not leading my usual life anymore and I'm scared about it. This is how bad it actually gets. Perhaps things will not turn out to be this way if I didn't get attracted by that phone casing at the very first place :/  But I still sincerely hope that I will not be seen as someone who get close just because of the background, I don't even knew about it until yesterday. I'm not a person like that and Lord knows the best.

I used to have friends surrounding me all the time . Now I'm all by myself :(

On a random note, I scalded myself today thanks to the clumsy me. Now I'm too in pain to even feel the sadness. Maybe it's a good sign, minus the red patches on my body and leg. Finger cross it won't leave any marks or come out those pain bubbles. FML to the max.. Open your eyes and wake up Jess!!

Do you believe in karma?

I do

And I guess it's coming to me right now.

Words just couldn't describe how devastated I am

If it is a lie, it is a good lie

I pretty much like festival seasons, but for this year's Chinese New Year, I'm just mehh. Maybe as we grew older, there's no sense of joyness to celebrate the festive seasons anymore, I mean as I grew older. Lol


I am mind-blind, I want to say. I struggle with life, not words and pictures, I want to say. It still feels like the first snowfall when I heard your voice, cool and unwavering, bright and white...and yet so like the calmest touch of snow on roofs and pavements you are gentle and warm. Scepticism is sorrow when you neither trust your rational self nor the irrational.


Yesterday I told myself that I was more resilient than this. I can live till tomorrow! So here I am today. But nothing is making it better, and the only thing that's changed is that I've lost another day.


Happy Reunion Dinner & Happy Chinese New Year people 

I told myself not to dwell on the setbacks

I treasure our little differences, I laugh at how whimsical it really sound. You want to tell me-with uninterrupted breath-what thrills you to your core. You want to open my eyes to a world of new meanings, of new significances. 


But in some night ( one night, this night, tonight) I find myself lying in the bed, one arm over my head, teary, weighted by the weight of the world, surrounded by my inadequacies. I try to be light-hearted because it is tedious to be sad, but I am confused, somewhere at the back of my head there's something I haven't confronted. 


It's less than two weeks time

Sense of urgency is not there all these while

The title explains all. Guess I'm not gonna make it for the resolutions, eh?