Bahhhhh

I find myself hating to work on Saturdays already. Super demotivated

The ego still knocks on my head

Don't try. If you're good, people will noticed. If you're meant to be noticed, you will be noticed. No point trying. 

想起那一个夏天

It's night like this makes life looking real dull and still dull. Leading a really nasty life but I sucked it up and kept it safe with me because I'm ego like that. Also, I wanted to prove people wrong and made believe it's all me. Gahh.. I don't think there's a cure for introvert people. #facepalm

Life is always not easy, didn't want to say hard because it's a really strong word. Maybe someday I will have my lessons learn, but for now, I still am really much struggling to get thru the pain and the hardship. Guess it's really hard to find something you love when so many obstacles stood in front of you..And I don't think I'll understand life. Goodnight peeps

Effect

trying out the camera

If you could read me, it's the word 'sorrow'

the heart couldn't beat anymore

and it's sad because it was once a very lively heart.

there's this thing about giving up,

once you've let loose,

you don't even know why you're fighting in the first place 

Night confession

Gahhh...had the scariest dream last night. A guy attempt to jump down from the building in front of me. I tried to shout at him but I can't seem to ring a single sound. He then found the courage to jump the third time. Dang it was sooooo sooooo scary because I can even hear the thumpppp!! sound....like wtf...

I always had nightmares; crocodile, running, river, sea, ghost, mother nature, you name it....rofl. Should probably go figured out the meaning behind my dreams, heh.

Anyway, life was okay I guess....errr...not really, haha. 

It is this time I remember the things I cannot speak of even in this space, because the desire to elicit a response and the degree of privacy I accord to everybody just aren't miscible. 

sorry..

But every now and then I try to tell myself that God must had his reason for all these..

I just have to continue believing I guess.

take care people

Love,

JessieJess

Speak faith

After much rambling today, I realise I am but a loser. Gahh..should probably stop behaving like this now and look on the brighter side because the last thing I want to do is to dissapoint that person at work.

But right now...construction progress claim, why you no easier!!? Grrr...

Ok it's the attitude that counts right, but it's so hard wow.

Words cut so deep,but they only hurt after awhile, after it has sunk in. 

This is such a lame matter to talk about, but I haven't screamed in a month, so I'm doing it here now 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

ok that's much better

hahaha

On a lighter note, I got really really inspired by my big manager. I hope one day I could be as humble as he does. I want to be like one I swear to God.lols.

Ohhh...on a more random note, almost bang by a bus today. Haha. Luckily yours truly is still quite awake or not I'm gonna be minced meat I swear Hahahahaha.. Okay that's all I have for you nao..

Goodnight and takecare my boo.. 

Checkmate

Why do I still live in the past?

My life is like a fucking minefield 

And I hate it this way

It's official

It's been 19 days since I'm sick...

Not sure what's wrong with me

It's like one case after another

Just tell me what do you want from me

Because I'm sick of being physically unfit!!!

Damn

Self hatred

Yours truly is SICK

bwahahahahahahaha

FML

I know the things we care never turn around

I haven't felt so empty in awhile. Every time I'm in whatssap, I feel genuinely sad. Sad that the world has moved on and I did nothing to catch up. That I let people that I grew up with, drift away and life pass me by.

I think it's sad that every time I come here now my posts are always of a negative nature, this place used to be a lot happier, and so did I. 

不懂我們說好了

為什麼現在　變得不一樣

為什麼現在　感情卻變涼　

Beginning of a breakdown

One second I could be really positive to myself and then when night creeps out, I have different thoughts all over again. Forgot what I wanted to say already, but I realised my frequency in blogging is probably related to my stress level. 

It's funny how once you have no responsibilities, life is actually worth living again.

But for now,

Stop the clocks and shut the window, 

There's no life here anymore. 

Listen, don't be a coward

I really like to read my horoscope in igoogle because it's quite very accurate at times 

You are in an awkward position today because you're heading into a serious phase, yet you're not quite ready to settle down. You would prefer to enjoy the lighter moments while you still can, but avoiding your work now makes it harder to partake in the fun later on. Luckily, you understand how to balance the extremes. Just remember that remaining responsible is the key to unlocking the gates to the playground.

Guess I need to step out from this misery to be able to unlock my playground's gate,eh 

But I'm ficked minded shit, so I couldn't ensure what's my thought next

boo

:/ 

Valentines for you

Well I guess this is just one of those days where I feel like holing up in my blanket and pretending I don't exist

lol

But anyway, this month of love I got really inspired by my good adorable cousin. It's been years ever since I saw her and she recently just came back from Singapore with her boyfie or should I say soon-to-be-hubby. Although they both are totally from different race, but it's love who brings them this close together. I'm really really proud of them :)

To me, I think love needs lots of courage, forgiveness, patience, understanding and trust to built great love together.

For now I don't think I 've met any of those qualifications just yet.

The scariest thing isn't not knowing, it is the knowledge that the truth will change everything

Wrapping up the burden and carrying it on.

Happy Valentine's Day 

Love,

Jess

How to be good

Went to aunt's house recently where she help to babysit this mischievous baby Rachel. She's sooo pretty and her eyelashes is everyone's dream. lol. Amazingly, she could remember my name now although I only met her thrice. lol

 she's just like a lollipop :)

 :)

 she climb to me when she saw me drinking the Soyrich and sapu all lol

posing with her Christmas hat :)

her sleeping time :)

And of course I took advantage and camwhore with her super large Barney. 
bwahahhaha

On a lighter note, read my horoscope for today which sounded like this:

Although you've experienced many unusual things lately, your partner or a friend might do something today that's totally unexpected. Ironically, you may secretly wish that you were the one daring enough to break the rules and behave outrageously

lol-ed myself out

okay goodnight world 

<3

Jeslyn 

I wonder when will the fountain will stop its water?

Perhaps all the things just happen together at the same time,

And it's hard for me to cope. 

The beginning is always the hardest,

I've started to take the first step,

It's now the matter of fact whether someone out there will allow this step to be solidly touch on the ground.

You no longer wish to play soldiers, and I understand it. 

原來我也不能抵抗　沮喪

25/01/2012- Wednesday. Time: 11.40pm- Checked

It's been a week

Everywhere seems to have your footsteps around

The escalator,

The fun fair centre,

The bench,

The popcorn counter,

The ticket receiver place,

The StarWars poster,

Your laughter and your voice still rings so loudly clear...

So Mister Potato, you better be safe there or I'll eat you up cz you didn't even report in safe to me 

Meaning out of nothing

A habit is something this scary; this place hasn't changed for a single bit, but had turned out to be this solitude 

Hello emo

I woke up this morning, mind swirling as if life has it's own pace. I've forgotten how I lead my life two months back as I relied and looked forward so much in this two months. 

I had made a mess in my life, I'm aware of that. But I'm glad that I did because at least I knew it has an ending afterall.  I could actually feel the distance already after that day as I did it on purpose, but there's this thing no one knows about that night; I found comfort in the silence. It's as if I'm this close that silence is not an awkward moment anymore...but....haha.. life is always this unfair :)


I need to utter this because I'm not leading my usual life anymore and I'm scared about it. This is how bad it actually gets. Perhaps things will not turn out to be this way if I didn't get attracted by that phone casing at the very first place :/  But I still sincerely hope that I will not be seen as someone who get close just because of the background, I don't even knew about it until yesterday. I'm not a person like that and Lord knows the best.

I used to have friends surrounding me all the time . Now I'm all by myself :(

On a random note, I scalded myself today thanks to the clumsy me. Now I'm too in pain to even feel the sadness. Maybe it's a good sign, minus the red patches on my body and leg. Finger cross it won't leave any marks or come out those pain bubbles. FML to the max.. Open your eyes and wake up Jess!!

Do you believe in karma?

I do

And I guess it's coming to me right now.

Words just couldn't describe how devastated I am

If it is a lie, it is a good lie

I pretty much like festival seasons, but for this year's Chinese New Year, I'm just mehh. Maybe as we grew older, there's no sense of joyness to celebrate the festive seasons anymore, I mean as I grew older. Lol


I am mind-blind, I want to say. I struggle with life, not words and pictures, I want to say. It still feels like the first snowfall when I heard your voice, cool and unwavering, bright and white...and yet so like the calmest touch of snow on roofs and pavements you are gentle and warm. Scepticism is sorrow when you neither trust your rational self nor the irrational.


Yesterday I told myself that I was more resilient than this. I can live till tomorrow! So here I am today. But nothing is making it better, and the only thing that's changed is that I've lost another day.


Happy Reunion Dinner & Happy Chinese New Year people 

I told myself not to dwell on the setbacks

I treasure our little differences, I laugh at how whimsical it really sound. You want to tell me-with uninterrupted breath-what thrills you to your core. You want to open my eyes to a world of new meanings, of new significances. 


But in some night ( one night, this night, tonight) I find myself lying in the bed, one arm over my head, teary, weighted by the weight of the world, surrounded by my inadequacies. I try to be light-hearted because it is tedious to be sad, but I am confused, somewhere at the back of my head there's something I haven't confronted. 


It's less than two weeks time

Sense of urgency is not there all these while

The title explains all. Guess I'm not gonna make it for the resolutions, eh?